-Jana Rupnow, LPC, NCC
Rebuilding trust after betrayal takes time and commitment from both parties involved. Whether you betrayed someone or someone betrayed you, here are steps to help navigate this challenging journey.
If Your Trust Was Broken
When trust is broken, it’s natural to feel hurt, shocked, and even physically ill. You might see the relationship in a completely new light. Here’s how to start the healing process:
- Consider the Reason
People sometimes lie when they don’t know what else to do. Reflect on whether the betrayal was an attempt to protect you from bad news or heartbreak. - Consider Their Level of Acknowledgement
- Have they taken accountability for their actions?
- Do they understand the impact it has had on you? (If not, direct them to resources. In the case of late discovery, direct them to my course titled, “Fostering Your Child’s Identity” to help them understand the impact.)
- Are they willing to learn why this hurts you so much? (Consider using the building blocks model)
- Are they willing to attend to your needs?
- Are they open to getting help?
- Communicate
It may be difficult, but a significant part of rebuilding trust after betrayal is to talk about it. Share with them:- How you feel
- Why the betrayal hurt you
- What you need from them to start rebuilding trust
- Use the Angry/Container Exercise to Communicate
Expect to spend more time in anger at the beginning of the betrayal recovery process. This exercise can help manage and express those feelings constructively. - Practice Forgiveness
This includes forgiving yourself. Understand your forgiveness language by using the 5 languages of apology. (scroll for graphic) - Consider Personality Types
Different personality types may handle betrayal and trust rebuilding differently. Understanding these differences can aid in the process. - Maintenance
Ensure both parties understand the “bowling ball of trust” model. Trust must be maintained and nurtured continually. - Get Professional Counseling
Sometimes professional help is necessary to guide both parties through the complex process of rebuilding trust.
Jana Rupnow Counseling
Jana is a child-centered therapist, adoptee, and adoptive mom with 15 years of experience in fertility and family counseling. Visit janarupnow.com for more information.
Remember, rebuilding trust is a gradual process that requires effort, empathy, and understanding from both parties. Seeking professional guidance can be a crucial step in this journey.
