I became pregnant for the second time after 14 years of infertility. Even though I always wanted to be a family of five, my husband and I moved on from that dream many years prior. We had made peace with our family of four when we were hit with the biggest surprise of our life. I was pregnant! I can’t even begin to describe my disbelief. With my husband’s medical infertility, this was truly a miracle.
An old friend of ours has a tradition of shouting out, Dad’s last cast!, when he’s fishing, just to play with fate and attempt to manipulate his fishing luck. I jokingly called our miraculous pregnancy, “Dad’s Last Cast”. It held on as long as it could.
I let it go in the Pacific in Costa Rica. In 8 weeks, I came to know it as a she, and she grew to fill the cup of my hand. I placed my hands in the water, eyes fixed, and with one current she was swept away. My eyes frantically searched for a flash of red, but the ocean graciously took her out of sight. It was a piece of me; a divine gift that I let go. Protective thoughts raced through my mind and my heart ached to nurture something that didn’t need nurturing. I was ready to charge at any bird that came near. I realized how much love had grown in the last couple months and what I was willing to do to protect it. It also made me see what I was not responsible for.
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Published by Jana M. Rupnow, LPC
About the Author
Jana M. Rupnow, MA, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor and consultant specializing in fertility and family building. Jana has helped hundreds of people facing the challenges of infertility as well as those preparing for third-party family building and adoption.
Jana works independently in private practice in Dallas, Texas. She has built relationships with fertility doctors across the country to help their patients with the psychological challenges of donation conception prior to medical intervention. She works with couples, parents, donors, agencies, and endocrinologists across the nation in her Dallas offices and via Skype or FaceTime. Jana also helps parents learn to communicate with their children about donor conception and serves as a liaison for communication between donor-conceived or adoptive families and genetic or birth parents.
She is a speaker and a member of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine’s Mental Health Group and a professional member of the National Infertility Association, Resolve. Jana has a clinical background in physiology and has published articles through Baylor University Medical Center.
Jana is also an adoptee and adoptive mom. She and her husband, Scott, live in Dallas with their son, Caden, and daughter, Jade, and two goldendoodles, Oliver and Chloe.
For consultation, counseling, training for professionals, or a speaking engagement, email Jana@JanaRupnow.com or learn more on JanaRupnow.com. Follow Jana Rupnow on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @janarupnowlpc.
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