Jana Rupnow, MA, LPC, Author of Three Makes Baby
Not sure how to talk to your child about their origin story? Whether you used a donor, surrogate or adoption to grow your family, sharing these stories with your child in a way that’s natural and positive is an important part of their understanding and development. Here are some creative ways to weave the narrative of your family’s journey into everyday life.
During Family Gatherings: Use moments surrounded by family to express gratitude for the extended family your child has, including the special way they became part of it. This sets a foundation of love and inclusivity.
While Looking at Family Photos or Albums: As you explore family pictures, share your family’s story, emphasizing the unique and cherished way your child came into your lives.
During Holiday Celebrations or Special Events: Use these occasions to highlight the uniqueness of your family and the special journey to bring your child into the world.
While Engaging in Creative Activities like Drawing or Crafting: During arts and crafts, create a storybook or family tree, including the donor in a child-friendly, imaginative way.
In Nature Walks or Outdoor Activities: Talk about the beauty of life in all its forms, including your family’s formation, during calm moments in nature.
During Playtime with Dolls or Action Figures: Use imaginative play to introduce various family structures, showing that every family is unique.
While Watching Family-friendly Movies or Shows About Diverse Families: Discuss the different ways families are formed after watching movies or shows, focusing on the love and care that binds them.
Storytelling Time: Create special bedtime stories that mirror your family’s journey, focusing on love, uniqueness, and joy.
Gardening Together: Draw parallels between the growth and care in gardening and the uniqueness of every family.
During Quiet Moments: Use times of reflection, like star-gazing, to talk about the diversity in family formations.
Creating a Family Scrapbook: Work together on a scrapbook detailing your family’s journey, allowing your child to contribute their thoughts and feelings.
While Playing Educational Games: Introduce different family structures through games that involve family scenarios.
Listening to Music or Singing Songs: Use songs to celebrate diversity, love, and family, expressing emotions and sharing stories through music.
Building a Puzzle Together: Compare the process of puzzle-building to how families are formed, with different pieces coming together.
During Bath Time: For younger children, use this time for simple conversations about families and love.
Through a “Family Tree” Project: Create a family tree that includes all members, illustrating your family’s unique story. Get a free copy of Jana’s Modern Family Tree Project.
Integrating your child’s donor conception, surrogacy or adoption story into everyday activities helps create an environment of openness and acceptance. These activities foster a deeper family bond and empower your child with the knowledge and pride of their own special story. Remember, it’s about creating an ongoing dialogue that grows and evolves with your child, filled with love, understanding, and celebration of your unique family journey. Wishing you healing and happiness! Love, Jana
Jana is professional therapist specializing in fertility and family building, especially non-traditional family life. For more parenting resources, access Jana’s online courses.
